Missing In Action

I finally met someone who knows my pain of losing Sky the night he fell 15 floors to a quick and hopefully painless death.  4 years seems like only yesterday when I remember seeing his frail snow-white little body.  I was a coward not to go near him but I was too afraid to show my weakness in front of those people who only were probably laughing at a person mourning over a tiny kitten with no breed…this little kitten I would not have seen in the dark had he not cried out amongst the tricycles parked along Reliance Street that one night.  My memory remains but my Sky is still gone.  I had almost forgotten till Mia lost Thirty last week.

I had almost forgotten how much it hurt till I saw Mia hurting.   How many people in the office see the Mia that I see?  The past 2 weeks were an emotional upheaval  tainted by people who are not whom they say they are.  Lost or stolen possessions pale in comparison to a mediocre world’s lack of connection magnified by betrayal.  Mia is strong.  Mia is far from mediocre.  Mia, who understands nuclear physics more than tying shoelaces, is different.  Mia makes sense because everyone else and everything else doesn’t.  The irony is that everyone and everything else has become more predictable.  Therefore, it was really a question of acceptance or not.   It might seem rational to embrace what is practical, present or popular but my own kind disgusts me for what the people have become.

Shame…a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety as it is defined by Merriam.  It is rather hilarious to see how it is defined in this country because not much seems to be an  “impropriety” except  when I sent an email putting someone else accidentally  to shame over something he should be ashamed about to begin with.  This individual happens to be a homosexual.  He forgot that.  He belittled his own sister in front of non-family members.  He forgot that.  He went on sick leave when he really was not sick.  He forgot that.  He is only nice to people when he has an immediate need.  He forgot that or he doesn’t see that.  He talked about one instance of shame because it brought light to what he did in front of many people.  Yes, a convenient shame indeed…What a tragedy of a person.

If my shame is only the susceptibility to an emotion, then I accept that for events that transpired in the last 3 weeks.  Poor Mia.  Sweet Mia.  How could I think so much for myself when a friend has been in greater need?  She likens herself to a Venus flytrap though she closed in on herself without a prey…now that’s a shame!