Bring on the Rain

It is lunchtime in the office.  I am listening to  Jo Dee  Messina and Tim McGraw singing “Bring on the Rain”.

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (cause)

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing but I’m not dead

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I’m not gonna let it get me down
I’m not gonna cry
And I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight. 

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I am missing my father who just left before the second storm hits Manila.  I miss my pets.  I miss old and real friends.  I do not have the appetite to eat anything.  I am unafraid of Mother Nature’s anger this weekend.  What terrifies me most is that I am in this  sea of emotions -   waves crashing against one another without goal or direction. It is killing me slowly unless I find, yet again, a channel to calm the waters.  I cannot comprehend my lack of control.  Has my spirit been so free all this time that everything else intangible within me exists in tandem with a wild nature?  After 34 years, has not my subconscious learnt the union of superficiality and human fickle-mindedness?  I may be barely breathing but tomorrow is another day to think about – another day in this sea of conflicting emotions and I bear  the  blows that may as well have been as real as those that Manny Pacquiao delivers.

I need to live again away from anyone who only seeks pleasure in my pain.  I am not them. My father told me to leave my principles at home the moment I went to work.  However, how does one separate two entities that cannot exist without the other to begin with?  I did not ask for what my parents  gave me - intangibles more absolute than most of what life today has to offer in general.  I am not the others because of them.  I am in this sea of emotions because of them.  I love dearly and unconditionally because of them.  I am mostly happy because of them.

Chandrika Manogaran. Richard Butler.  Tan Boon Seng. Betty Frois. James Resol. Shah Nawaz. Jean-Philippe Endres. Robert Joseph Torres. Alexis Moyrand. Clotilde Breuillin. Samson Averia.  Alexander Makedon. Nathaniel Angeles. Tatyana Schmakova-House.  Christine Wong. Cindy Zaini. Rosny Kasim. Chris Ngo Chin Ser. Vipada Wongwanachot. Bernard Wang.  Angela Mukirae-Hatier. Mohd Faisal Mohd Ali.  Nadine Husain. Suryani Said. Kim Sowon.  Rex Lee. Marissa Bagunas. Julian Cole. Donna Shin. Lester Susi. Yanny Jung. Fiona Kirsten Woerpel. Lusmiwati Lu. Anita Irmasari. Pimmanas Pongnarikul. Valentina Raho. Harvinder Singh Rai. Judy Whisenhunt. John Kaplan. Monica Kiang Wai Sum. Brandon Wang. Graeme Ortega. Johnny D’aversville Lee.  Priya Pejavar. Rob Zaldua. Sharanya Rao. Supriyo Chatterjea. Kim Gwon. Salik Rizwan Khan. Knut Flottorp. Mia Tijam. Jake Borromeo. Don Wyngard Aguiling. Buddy Kim. Moses Tan. Jose Maria Sison. Cheryl Meyer. Shahzad Manzoor. Ryan Gomito. Francedith Ballarta. Asmah Mahmood. Ann Lorenzo. Pocholo Carmelotes. Maricon Brizuela. Ohnie Reyes. Claudine Ramirez. Malyn Mae Martir.

There are names I remember and there are the people who have remained with some unexpected permanence in my mind perhaps because they are what my spirit hungers for – positive nourishment and intellectual stimulation.  Still, I am not hungry and I am alone.   Has this sea of emotions engulfed me?  Am I dead?  Am I dead to the world?  …but I am here and breathing with all the energy I can muster no matter how things  are…so bring on the rain because I am Lora Morier.